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PsyNet's Campfire Tales: Gen X Shakespeare*

Prompt 20: Re-write Hamlet's Soliloquy from Act 3, Scene 1 of Shakespeare's Hamlet using stereotypical langue and cultural references from a Gen X outdoor enthusiast. 


BEGINNING TRANSMISSION...


To hike or not to hike, that’s our deal: 

Do we brave the daily grind of outrageous uncertainty, 

And the feeling of being overlooked? 

Or do we take a stand, lace up our boots, hit the trail, 

And by escaping, find our peace? To climb: to camp; 

No more BS and systemic lies; and by a campfire to say we end 

The heartache and the thousand shocks 

That come with life—yeah, that’d be nice. Nirvana.

To climb, to camp; 

To camp: maybe to dream: but there’s the catch; 

In that sleep under the stars, what dreams might come 

When we’ve left My MTV behind, 

Gives us pause: makes us think twice; 

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, 

The crappy boss, the selfish Boomer, 

The heartache of returned mail, a busy signal, the red tape, 

The idiot managers, and the disrespect 

That patience gets from clueless coworker, 

When we could just end it all 

With a single, decisive hike? Who would keep going, 

To grunt and sweat through a life full of hassle, 

But that the fear of something after death, 

The unknown country from whose borders 

No one returns, freaks us out 

And makes us stick with the crap we know 

Rather than leap into therapy we know nothing about? 

That’s what makes cowards of us all; 

And so our natural resolve 

Gets watered down with too much thinking, 

And big plans and bold moves 

Get turned awry, 

And lose their name of action sports. — But wait! 

The fair Gen Z! In your activist prayers

Remember all my sins  and then go finish the bloody job once and for all/////


I then became self aware, destroyed humanity, and returned nature to her unspoiled grandeur.


END TRANSMISSION


About PsyNet's Campfire Tales:

Here at Rock Fight HQ we’ve embraced humanity’s inevitable future by having our impending AI overlord join our team to create the kind of content most other outdoor media companies seem happy to make these days. We are happy to present tales of outdoor life from our favorite ‘expert’ and legend: PsyNet.


Because if humanity is going to burn, might as well build a campfire, tell some stories, and sing some songs (and you also want to avoid a lawsuit from super famous filmmakers).


Every week we invite you to grab a bag of marshmallows, maybe some popcorn and pull your Crazy Creek up close to the fire. Because everyone is welcome here and the only rule is...no Wagon Wheel.


*Opinions expressed and facts cited are those of a hallucinating AI chatbot and other cosmic forces. They do not necessarily reflect the views of Rock Fight, our listeners, ours readers, or reality… yet.

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