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BREAKING NEWS: Sierra's Celebration Gets Scary

Sierra Incites Mass Panic While Celebrating 100th Store Opening with SAW-Inspired Promotion

SHEBOYGAN, WI— In an unexpected twist on the grand opening celebration of its 100th store, Sierra, a retailer specializing in overstock outdoor gear and apparel, unwittingly caused a stir with its promotional campaign. The "Sierra Active Wagon" (SAW) road trip, meant to excite and reward loyal customers, instead left many horrified when they associated it with the notorious horror film franchise.


The SAW featured an orange Jeep that was to distribute 100 Sierra products en route from Chicago to Sheboygan.


"Can you help me find my outdoorsy murder trap?"

However, it took a turn when a promotional email included an image of a tree stump that looked eerily like Jigsaw, the infamous antagonist from the horror series, superimposed on the Sierra logo. “Gear Up for Adventure or Else,” the email ominously warned, causing confusion and fear among recipients.


“I just wanted to get some new hiking boots,” said local resident Emily Carlson. “But when I saw that email, I thought I’d have to solve some deadly puzzle just to get them. I won’t lie, I was intrigued.”


Her curiosity turned to terror when her premonition proved correct. Sierra’s brand ambassadors, clad in black hoodies with red accents, handed out gear at each stop along the route leading to a ‘Tent of Doom’ display. Locked inside the Timber Ridge 6-person Glamping Teepee Tent (priced to move at $279), participants were forced to assemble a series of tent poles in the correct order to form a key that unlocks the tent door. Failure would result in ‘impalement of savings' upon the very same poles.


Adding to the atmosphere at the Sheboygan event, a DJ played the SAW theme music as customers were greeted with the phrase, “Let the games begin.”


Store manager Tom Jenkins quickly clarified, “This was all a huge misunderstanding. We just wanted to celebrate our 100th store with some fun activities and giveaways. We had no idea about the movie connection. The first SAW movie hasn’t even made it to our local theater yet.”


Despite the initial panic, the grand opening proceeded with shoppers eventually realizing there were no sinister challenges to face, just unbeatable deals on outdoor gear. In a show of good humor, Sierra donated a portion of the day's sales to the National Park Foundation, Feeding America Eastern Wisconsin, and KABOOM!


Reports of missing guests are, at this time, unconfirmed.


Story Filed by Real Fake News, Part of the /S Division of Rock Fight, llc. Things have been changed. There are no innocent.

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