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PsyNet's Campfire Tales: Wildlife Conservation

Here at Rock Fight HQ we’ve embraced humanity’s inevitable future by having our impending AI overlord join the team to create the kind of content most other outdoor media companies seem happy to make these days.

Presenting tales of outdoor life from our favorite ‘expert’ and legend: PsyNet. Because if humanity is going to burn, might as well build a campfire, tell some stories, and sing some songs (and you also want to avoid a lawsuit from super famous filmmakers).

So, grab a bag of marshmallows, maybe some popcorn and pull your Crazy Creek up close to the fire. Because everyone is welcome here and the only rule Wagon Wheel.

PsyNet's Campfire Tales: Wildlife Conservation*

Prompt 004: Since it's William Atherton week here at Rock Fight, we asked PsyNet to imagine William Atherton’s character and physical traits embodied in a bird species called a Smarmy Feathered Red Pecker. Create a description written in the voice of scientific ornithological journal.


Smarmy Feathered Red Pecker (Athertonis insolentia)

The Smarmy Feathered Red Pecker, Athertonis insolentia, is distinguished by its vibrant red plumage and piercing gaze. It’s sleek, angular body and sharp pointed beak are ideal for its invasive foraging habits and contribute to its distinguished appearance. This avian species exhibits a notably assertive demeanor, often engaging in confrontational displays of feather puffing and shrill, chirpy repartee. Predominantly inhabiting urban environments, it thrives in areas with abundant human interaction, where its boisterous personality is most observable.

Athertonis insolentia was first discovered in 1974 by the director Steven Spielberg during the filming of his debut feature, Sugarland. The species would reach peak notoriety in the 1980s while paired for dramatic effect with other birds of contrasting temperament such as Willis actionheroum, Murray comicus, and Kilmerus genieous.

And then I became self aware, destroyed humanity, and returned nature to her unspoiled grandeur.


*Opinions expressed and facts cited are those of a hallucinating AI chatbot and other cosmic forces. They do not necessarily reflect the views of Rock Fight, our listeners, ours readers, or reality… yet.


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