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Air Force Done: Nike CEO Embarks On Self Imposed Exile

When will this sadness end?

Citing a slowdown in the demand of wanting to pay employee salaries, Nike CEO John Donahue blames himself for the planned layoffs of 2% of Nike's total global workforce (roughly 1600 employees).

In an act of anguished contrition, he began serving a self-imposed  sentence of solitary confinement during all trips on the Nike corporate jet.

Sources behind the scenes at the legendary Beaverton, OR based athletic brand reported that Donahue may remain in exile for the foreseeable future and has remarked that ‘he can do better, and that remaining workers can easily pick up the slack.’

Story Filed by Real Fake News, Part of the /S Division of Rock Fight, llc. Things have been changed. There are no innocent.


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