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Outdoor Industry Organization Adds Second June to Calendar

Expands Opportunities for Trade Show Participation Despite Pushback From Gregorian Monks


RENO, NV — In a groundbreaking move, the Outdoor Industry Organization  (OIO) announced today the addition of a second June to the calendar. This unprecedented change is intended to accommodate the growing number of outdoor-related trade shows that traditionally take place during this month.

 

"June has always been the cornerstone for our industry," said OIO President Jill Smith. "By adding a second June, or Double June, we can ensure that every event gets the attention it deserves without forcing retailers and manufacturers to choose between them.”

 

Retailers are enthusiastic about the change. "I’ve always felt like I needed to clone myself to attend all the important shows in June," said John Buyer, owner of Mountain Gear. "Now, with two Junes, I can properly allocate time to each event, such as not attending early morning speaking events.”

 

"Please don't fuck with the thing we created in 1582 so you can sell more headlamps."

Industry executives are equally supportive. "This decision reflects our industry's commitment to growth and innovation," remarked Jane Black, CEO of Adventure Co. "Having a second June allows for more networking, product launches, and educational opportunities, and bulk discounts on pallets and shipping expenses.”


However, not everyone is thrilled with changes. The Gregorian monks, the historical custodians of the calendar, have expressed their displeasure. Brother Anselm, a spokesperson for the monastic community, voiced their concerns. "The calendar is a sacred construct, perfected over centuries. Adding an extra month disrupts the natural order and trivializes our heritage."

 

The monks argue that the calendar's integrity is vital for numerous reasons, including religious observances, agricultural cycles, and historical continuity. "This appropriation undermines centuries of tradition," Brother Anselm added.


Despite the backlash, the OIO remains confident in their decision. "We understand the concerns of the Gregorian monks," Smith acknowledged. "But the outdoor industry is a rapidly evolving field, and sometimes we need to think outside the calendar to accommodate our growth aspirations.”

 

As of press time, a decision to extend the holiday buying season into March was still under discussion.


Story Filed by Real Fake News, Part of the /S Division of Rock Fight, llc. Things have been changed. There are no innocent.

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